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12月13日 Worshiping at Night我想，每个人的心里都有伤口，或多或少
也许，我们已经不再感知疼痛，或深或浅
终究，我们需不需要被医治？而伤口又在哪里？
grace 说：要像如同不需要挣钱一样去工作，如同没有人听见那样去唱歌
sue 说：好好活就是做有意义的事，做有意义的事就是好好活着
在我们积极面对人生的时候，那些伤口还痛吗？
Indeed, worshiping at night during the depth of our sorrows, is a difficult thing. Yet therein lies the blessing, for it is the test of perfect faith. If I desire to know the true depth of my friend's love, I must see how he responds during the winter seasons of my life. And it is the same with divine love.
It is easy for me to worship in the summer sunshine, when the beautiful melodies of life seem to fill the air, and the lush fruit of life is still on the trees. But when the songbirds cease and the fruit falls from the trees, will my heart continue to sing? Will remain in God's house at night? Will I love Him simply for who He is? Am I willing to 'keep watch for one hour' (Mark 14:37) with Him in His Gethsemane? Will I help Him carry His cross up the road of suffering to Calvary? Will I stand beside Him in His dying moments, with Mary, His mother, and John, the beloved disciple? Would I be able, with Joseph of Arimathea and Nicodemus, to take the dead Christ from His cross?
If I can do these things, then my worship is complete and my blessing glorious. Then I indeed shown Him love during the time of His humiliation. My faith has seen Him in His lowest state, and yet my heart has recognized His majesty through His humble disguise. And at last I truly know that I desire not the gift but the Giver. Yes, when I can remain in His house through the darkness of night and worship Him, I have accepted Him for Himself alone.
My goal is God Himself, not joy, nor peace,
Nor even blessing, but Himself, my God;
It's His to lead me there, not mine, but His -
''At any cost, dear Lord, by any road!''
So faith bouns forward to its goal in God,
And love can trust her Lord to lead her there;
Upheld by Him, my soul is following hard
Till the Lord has fulfilled my deepest prayer.
No matter if the way is sometimes dark,
No matter though the cost is often great,
He knows the way for me to reach the mark,
The road that leads to Him is sure and straight.
One thing is sure, I cannot tell Him no;
One thing I do, I press towards my Lord;
Giving God my glory here, as I go,
Knowing in heaven waits my Great Reward.
Streams in the Desert ~ December 11
11月22日 THE PRAYER by Carol Bayer Sager and David FosterI pray you'll be our eyes, and watch us where we go And help us to be wise in times when we don't know
Let this be our prayer, when we lose our way
Lead us to the place, guide us with your grace to a place where we'll be safe
I pray we 'll find your light, and hold it in our hearts
When stars go out each night, remind us where you are
Let this be our prayer, when shadows fill our day
Help us find a place, guide us with your grace, give us faith so we'll be safe
A world where pain and sorrow will be ended
And every heart that's broken will he mended
And we'll remember we are all God's children
Reaching out to touch you, reaching to the sky
We ask that life be kind, and watch us from above
We hope each soul will find another soul to love
Let this be our prayer, just like every child
Who needs to find a place, guide us with your grace,
Give us faith so we'll be safe
Needs to find a place, guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe.
1998 Warner-Tamerlane Publishing Corp. (BMI) All rights reserved.
11月17日 You Raise Me Up
When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
11月2日 静·止今天晚上很安静，难得的安静，一个人躺在被窝里看书，困的时候睡了一会儿，就觉得是件很幸福的事情。
前一段时间在看·士兵突击· 很喜欢里面的袁朗，最令人感动的还是那个傻傻的许三多，不知道为什么许三多的一句话印象特别深刻，他总是说·人不能过得太舒服· 真的是这样吗？那么我们学习，工作的目的是什么？不是希望可以给自己，家人创造更加舒适的生活吗？挣钱为什么？有了钱，我就可以毫无顾忌地去买600块的记忆棉，租2000块的房子住，去喜欢的地方旅行。那样的生活会是怎样的？
会没有目标？没有方向？！没有梦想！ 生活的动力被磨灭了，留下的只是享受和舒适了。
我不要用我的梦想去换取享受，因为他们从来都不是等值的。我可以不要记忆棉，房子和旅行，但我要我的生活有意义。我不知道应如何奋斗，努力，但我有依靠，有方向。我希望我现在的态度不是因为我的叛逆与年轻。
神说，·云停。。。人停。。。· 我就像那时的以色列人一样，停止于一个状态，或许是在等待，我甚至时常不太清楚自己每天在做什么，想什么，嘈杂的声音让我觉得我在忙，我很累，我需要休息，需要停止，需要思考。
也许是神要我停止在这个状态，让我分辨清楚我是谁，在做什么，为着什么！我需要更多一个人安静的时间，把事情想清楚，我在为谁而活！
8月17日 朋友变同事最近的工作很忙，很多事情做，过得很充实。
工作中最开心的事，就是为自己的好朋友办理入职手续。很简单的东西下意识里都要 double check 一下才放心。
好朋友变同事是一种什么感觉？在神的眷顾中有着什么样的安排？
从此我们便会“出双入对”，某些人已经在严重羡慕中。。。
heehee...
我也想你了，ｐｐ，来上海吧！
6月15日 How to grow ''LOVE''1. Pick a good heart
 2. Plant it in a bucket of Trust
3. Water with Care & Good thoughts
4. Add some Romancing occasionally
5. Remove the misunderstanding leaves
17 June
went to the fellowship tonight, the last time before i leave, the girls prayed for me, Soya and Holy held my hands, Carol and Fiona prayed, i will miss them, miss these lovely girls, miss the time we share our tears and laughts... yes, how to grow love, we need friends, need God, need someone with us to grow together.
5月29日 the Pursuit of Happyness   the Pursuit of Happyness ~ Running to get your Time Machine ~
there are 3 leading actors in the moive: Chris, his son, and his "Time Machine".
Chris lost his "Time Machine" many times, he run to get them back; he run from the taxi, cuz no money to pay; he run to catch the bus after work, cuz there might be no free place left in the shelter... and he run... run... run... for a better life.
(at the basketball court, Chris talked to his son)Chris: Don't let somebody tell you, "you cannot do something", not even me. All right?
Son: All right.
Chris: You gotta a dream?! You gotta protect it. You want some? Go and get it ...
(in the tube station, after they were evicted from the apartment) Chris and his son lived in the station toilet for over-night. the "Time Machine" led them back to the age of Jurassic, they escaped from the dinosaur, and hided in a big cave (toilet), they were happy, cuz they were saved (someone kicked the locked door). the movie is about running for life, about lose & find back, dreams may run away, but you gatta hold your belief, hold your own's "Time Machine", because it helps you to find your way, to walk through the space tunnel, and to make your dreams come true. we all need a cave to hide, to protect ourselves and to save us. but it may be not a comfortable place, the room may be small, the condition may disappointed us, but we know we are safe, so what feelings can be better than sensing the peace. what difficulties we cannot bear? what fears can threat us?
~ Climbing Big Mountains ~
(church worship)the important thing about climbing the mountains...
we all deal with the big mountains, you know to pass the big mountain,
the mountains would be real high, mountains can go deeper low,
yes, we know these big mountains are,
we sing about them...
seems hard to bear, but i wont give up,
cuz You promise me, You lead me out of it
please dont move up those mountains.
we all need courage to ask God to make those mounatains stay in our life, to make them firm and burdensome ~
we all need strength and wisdom to climb the mountains, to search His will and to make us more like Him ~
when the broken machine was fixed by Chris in the dark corridor, a small bulb can lighten the whole room, i dont know what he saw in the light, his son fell asleep peacefully, so many people are just like him homeless, or... he may see his future, as bright as the light... i think he is happy and hopeful...
~ Are you Happy? ~
what is Happiness? i cannot think of a defintion.
like Chris named his life in different times, what can i call this part of my life? race just begin... prepare to run...
mmm... maybe "A Blank Paper" is better...
~ So, Are you Happy now? ~
 5月7日 独自安静de勇敢 选择工作，不是选择一份职业而已，而是选择一种生活方式。 现在面临的挑战不是寻找一份适合自己的工作，而是寻找一种适合自己的生活方式。 "只要你肯 独自安静 在一个地方 --- 人世间的光明和黑暗，一概接触不到的地方 --- 人们的意见不能到达的地方 --- 只要你 敢 在那里 静静地等候 着，不顾你四围一切的催促，那时神旨就要向你显明，你对神就会有一种新的概念，对他的神性和爱心会有更深切的洞见，这会成了你极乐的经历 --- 永久可宝贵的经历。你等待的时间虽长，至此也得到了丰富的酬报。" --- 大卫 (David) "A man's steps are directed by the LORD. How then can anyone understand his own way?" (Proverbs 20:24)
神问我 ·你敢不敢？· 敢不敢 独自安静，独自勇敢，独自等待？我敢，我告诉他，我敢，我不是独自安静，独自勇敢，独自等待吗？他又问我 ·你有没有 静静地等候· 我不知道，我想我有吧！我一个人可以制造多少噪音？ 现在，我知道了，原来我没有安静，没有顺服，没有等候！独自静候神是一种心理面的状态，以前的忙碌为着作业，为着考试，现在为着将来，为着工作，可是我问自己到底为什么？·为着实现神的旨意·我知道此刻的我没有说谎，我清楚自己在做什么。那接下来又应当怎样？没有神的恩典与爱，没有勇气，动力，勤奋，执著。。。即使知道人生的目标又有什么意义。只有安静在神面前的时候，他的声音才会变得特别清晰，他的每一字每一句都会刻在脑海中，他赐予的信心会不自觉地蔓延在心里。神有神奇的力量，他爱软弱的人，爱依靠他的人，爱他的孩子
我要安静地，安静地，让自己处在一种状态。
我要每天： 不许：
浪费时间，迟到， 说谎， 做不好的事，想不该想的事， 不打电话回家， 假装，虚伪，懒惰， 勉强自己，不坚强，失望， 吃巧克力和薯片，乱花钱， 挤痘痘，喝太多咖啡，不回邮件， 计较， I am: an ordinary girl. I want: to have a job asap. but it worth to wait. I need: close friends always be with me.
4月28日 growing up... ...in the past 3 months since i back home, i experienced the happiest and lowest time, and i am kind of lost my directions, i don't know what i expect, where i belong to, i became moody, sensitive and emotional, and i know i am changed. maybe in others eyes, pressure and worries may be an expression of maturity, perhaps i became more like an adult, but somehow i don't want to be changed. We always pray to God to open our eyes, but i don't want to see the real world. We always know God will never forsake us, but i still blame Him. We always know life is a journey, never been easy, but i still not willing to make my next move.
How can i grow up like this? God said, "Never..."
So i have to change, to be changed by God, by the experiences He allowed me to bear, by the faith He put in my heart, by the hope of a wonderful life.
... i am full of gratitude to Him, my Lord, my Saviour, my Shelter, my Light, my Hope, and my Way ...
"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you... thoughts of peace... to give you an expected end."
要学会去爱和付出，
要珍惜家人和朋友，
要学会坚强，勇敢面对，
要学会接受，学习原谅，
要认识自己，坚持梦想，坚守信念，
要学会在困境中赞美神，敬拜神，
要知道生命的美好，学会感恩，
 家人和朋友永远都是最最宝贵的 继续努力找工作。。。
4月16日 爱成就一切If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, andif I have a faith that can move mountains, but have no love, I am nothing.
If I give all I posses to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
我要能说万人的方言，并天使的话语，却没有爱，我就成了鸣的锣，响的钹一般。
我若有先知讲道之能，也明白各样的奥秘，各样的指示，而且有全备的信，叫我能够移山，
却没有爱，我就算不得什么。
我若将所有的周济穷人，又舍己叫人焚烧，却没有爱，仍然与我无益。
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does no boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
爱是恒久忍耐，又有恩慈；爱是不嫉妒，爱是不自夸，不张狂，
不做害羞的事，不求自己的益处，不轻易发怒，不计算人的恶，
不喜欢不义，只喜欢真理；
凡事包容，凡事相信，凡事盼望，凡事忍耐。
Love never fails.
爱是永不止息。
(1 Corinthians 13: 1-8)
（哥林多前书 十三：一至八节）
1月23日 Reading: Colourful Cuba (cos your gray ain’t my grey)Posted by jembendell on October 26th, 2006 I sometimes chat with my flatmate about what it was like growing up in the Communist East. We joke about how grey it was. In my books and films it was grey… the buildings, people, all shades of dull depressed and repressed grey. She tells me that books about the West that she read in East Germany showed the West as… also grey! “OK, so it was so grey in the East, that even our pictures of the West were grey!”. Was an absence of neon lights and bright paints and colourful advertising actually grey? Its amazing how urban our thinking is… nothing is as colourful as nature. Walking through the UN today I saw paintings from an exhibition sponsored by Cuba. The artist from this communist country, Luis Antonio Espinosa Fruto, chose to paint all his pictures in… grey. But hey, they are bright, brilliant, beautiful images. They are all paintings of the natural environment in Cuba (continues below…). Cuban nature is mentioned in the depths of a report published by WWF earlier this week. The Living Planet Report tells a shocking story of what we are doing to ourselves and our planet… as Frank Dixon said at a talk on Monday, “the science is telling us we are like the meteor that hit the Yucatan and wiped out the dinosaurs, we are the new great exterminator”. We really are behaving on this planet like we have another one to go to. On page 19, in a section comparing the amount of resources each country is gobbling up in comparison to the social development they have acheived, as indicated by the UN’s Human Development Index, shows that only one country has achieved a level of social development and environmental protection that can be considered “sustainable development”. That country? Grey-painted communist Cuba. The journos seem to have missed that one in their coverage of the report. This state of affairs should make us ask some serious questions about current forms of economy and capitalism… are they helping us get what we really want? Is the world any more colourful for its shining lights and gaudy adverts, if these help melt the glaciers, dry up the lands, and degrade nature? Is it any more colourful when people run the rat race to souless material excess while others are malnourished and oppressed? I guess one reason Cuba comes out on top is because the HDI statistics dont place decisive weightings on certain political freedoms. Cuba probably comes out on top environmentally because of the US embargo has encouraged local production of foods for local consumption. Organic market gardening isnt a lifestyle choice for the middle classes wanting some more meaning to their lives, but a basic necessity for many Cubans. Whats the policy conclusion? That everyone needs to be embargoed by the US? Open borders only work when you’ve got a fair game going on, with ground rules that mean you dont trade away the environment or people as mere ‘externalities’ that can be disregarded. The evidence from the Living Planet Report is more an indictment of the West than it is praise for Cuba. But, well done Cuba for reminding us that our brains are the only grey matter in nature, and its our choice to make them vitally brilliant or deadly dull.
Dr. Jem Bendell (www.jembendell.com) is one of my favourate lecturers when i studied CSR in Nottingham, teaches "Managing Stakeholder Relations". He is an activist, researcher, consultant and writer on globalisation issues. his articles always can give you insights that make you to consider the real meaning to live on this planet. Reading his journal again, made me to recall the memories of having massive practical exercises of group discussions, debates, negotiations, role plays, presentations and sharing experiences in the lectures. Although what we learnt which mapped in the book or by taught is more about the ideal world, but clearly, it identified the close relationship between business, civil society and government, which their attributes are all inter-dependent, and inter-complemented. So, "gray" is merely a color, or something inside our heart? How different between what we see and what the real is? "Nothing is as colourful as nature", and we thank colourful Cuba for "reminding us that our brains are the only grey matter in nature". Today's post maybe is the most plain one over the past, but hope it will make your heart not just grey. "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." (Proverbs 4:23)
1月15日 对神说。。。
我想，每个人的心里面都有一个地方，是只属于自己的吧！而我的地方有神和我分享。 也许，有很多事情都无法理解，无法体会，希望自己可以变成一个精灵，去了解他们的心。 如果，没有梦想，没有方向，没有朋友，没有阳光，那应该是一件很可怕的事情。 但是，没有神的日子，会是怎样的呢？
感觉，是一种心情，是一种自己都看不清的状态。 然而，在我看来，只有睡眠才可以让它消失，而且无影无踪。 熟悉，是一种热爱，是一种让人可以沉溺在其中，不能自拔的感情。 其实，那只是一个过程，一个时间流逝，而印在脑海中的记忆。
时间，再也不会倒流。 记忆，可否随着时间抹去？熟悉，可否变成陌生？陌生，又能否变回熟悉？ 当没有睡眠来依靠的时候，感觉又可不可以让我看清自己的心？ 难道，这就是我们的软弱？
恩典，是透明的，也许是隐藏在时间里面的。 过程，或许需要忍耐。无论有多少个不情愿，要告诉自己，有神一起走过。 信心，是天赐的，是隐匿在坎坷中的。 幸福，是满满的，是在恩典，忍耐，和信心之上的。
祈求，原谅我们的软弱，保守我们的心，当我们无法用语言来表达的时候，你来填补这个空缺。 希望，我们的眼睛可以明亮，心可以纯静，爱可以直到永远。。。
1月4日 The Year of Being CLOSER
11月9日 Memories of Italy10月4日 写给你和你们的一封信 - 感谢篇 My Dear xx, xxx, xxx, xx & xx ... ... 某人多次催我update 我的blog, 在这里对我忠实的Fans 们表达我最诚挚的歉意。
其实我不知道写什么，怎么写，很多不同的感觉在心里，有点怪怪的。
回到了Guildford, 生活似乎一下子变得丰富起来，终于摆脱了论文的压力，离开了安静的城市，结束了我的学生生涯，又回到了这个热闹的小镇，每天都有好朋友在身边，每天都会开心的大笑，当然也有为了你和你们伤心，难过的时候，虽然我知道你们的心一定还在隐隐作痛，但是谢谢你们的故事和经历让我懂得一些道理，让我知道我很幸福，是你们让我学会感恩，让我明白神有多爱我。
谢谢你们把我当作朋友分享心事，不知道你们有没有同样的感受，很多时候，在你试图安慰朋友的时候，其实很多话是在讲给自己听的。
在最近的几天中，我听到两个好朋友都说过同样的一句话 "If I die..." 你们在说要死掉的时候，我真的感觉好难过，我从没有见过绝望的人是什么样子的，原来是这么可怕。但是你们让我见到神，见到他的爱，你要做那个“全新的你”，你要知道 "God is our Hope".
或许，在安静的时候才会把很多事情想清楚，无论愿不愿意去面对，只有当我们安静在神面前的时候，他才会用钥匙打开我们心中一道道的锁，让我们没有恨，没有绝望，没有失望，没有伤痛，他会把那些受伤的痕迹慢慢变成神迹，直到有一天我们可以畅然的和别人一起去见证那些有意义的往事。
所以，你，你们，我们都要加油啊！
love, elsa
   8月17日 粥粥君是我努力的目标
http://pangtuzizhouzhou.spaces.live.com/ 现在的目标：论文 *** 论文后的目标：画画 和 粥粥君 今天和peggy msn, 虽然聊了一些不太开心的话题，但我讲得很开心，说好我们要一起修炼，我已经闭关，她还有待努力，由于武功不是太好练，我们需要共同努力，相互鼓励，为期3周。另外妈谜也要加油。 我的眼神已经初见练功的成效，今天下雨，外面都亮晶晶的，我去厨房，突然兴奋，外面竟然下雪了。。。跑到窗前，很是失望。让我想起上一次，看到对面楼顶着火，走进看，原来是火烧云。彻底晕倒。 大家都努力了，捡贝壳，丢海星。
8月11日 Personality Assessments我们学校介绍的：
Anyone interested in personality assessments can also find a personality questionnaire, Go to:
www.profilingforsuccess.com/main To begin the tests you will need to insert the following codes:
Client code: myphe Access code: notts Password: notts051104
The purpose is to help students to identify their individual personality characteristics in relation to the work environment and thus to assist in career decision making.
我就知道我不适合从事纯business方面的工作
Below is a graphic representation of your profile. It shows that you have reported as an ENFJ – a style otherwise known as the Adviser
You have indicated a preference for the Adviser style. This style is one of the most personable and responsive to the needs of others. Advisers appear friendly, warm and tactful, striving to get on well with others. They are keen to build personal relationships and are generally seen to be 'communicators' - even if they lack skills in this area their motivation often enables them to become skilled writers and speakers. They have a tendency to commit to good causes with enthusiastic passion and this usually has some deep-seated value. Whatever they do, Advisers must feel it is something they can do with their whole being. They need outlets for their passionate enthusiasm and need for contact and relationships.
These are the all types, find out which one is you!
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